Health NoticeRecently, teachers, employers, doctors and parents report an outbreak of a highly contagious disease, called the Uefarite Euritis, more commonly known as Euro Fever. This disease affects 1million Singaporeans every four years, and it affects the whole body. Sufferers from this disease complain of drowsiness, tearing of eyes, lapses of concentration, and the uncontrollable urge to swear. Below are some tips on how to identify a person suffering from Euro Fever, and how to cope with serious cases.
How to identify a Euritis carrierThe typical symptoms are:
-Bloodshot and teary eyes due to lack of sleep
-Blank look on the face
-The inability to keep awake during lessons/work
In serious cases, the patient is often late for school/work and doesn't seem to hear you when you call him. They require immediate medical attention and more importantly, an MC so they don't need to report for school/work the next day.
Ways to tell if a Euritis carrier is living at your home-Your supply of biscuits in your biscuit tin has dwindled
-The sofa's upholstery is scrunched up so badly you suspect somebody has been sitting there for 2 hours straight
-You switch on the TV to watch your favourite Discovery Channel only to find that it has been changed to the Euro 2008 Premium Channel.
-As you dream at night you can hear cheering in the distance.
-There is an unusually large number of newspapers lying around.
-The person sleeps unusually early and wakes up unusually late.
-There are at least 3 alarm clocks on his/her bedside table.
How to tell if a Euritis carrier has been in the area-Cryptic scribblings of a combination of the names of countries followed by a random selection of numbers on any writable surfaces (this includes online spaces such as forums, blogs and tagboards)
-Newspaper cuttings of the latest news of last night's 'show' lying around. There will most probably be a pair of scissors nearby.
-Biscuit crumbs on the sofa.
How to tell if you yourself is a carrier-You wake up at 2.30 in the morning only to find there's nothing on TV
-You find it hard to get out of bed in the morning
-You constantly feel the urge to get your hands on the noon edition of any newspaper.
-You display a wide range of emotions the day after there's a 'show' on TV. These emotions range from extreme euphoria to shock and gloom.
-Your pocket feels a lot less heavy after losing a bet.
-Your head feels heavy during the day and the only thing you want to do is to sleep.
CureThe only remedy for Uefarite Euritis is time. Normally it'll take 1 week for the symptoms to vanish. But for extreme cases, the will not go away until the next major thing, which is 2 years later. There will be another outbreak of a disease that is very similar to the Uefarite Euritis but it'll be called the Worldo Cupitis. Sometimes if the patient has been through severe stress and emotional strain, the sickness will not go away until about 3 months later.
If you suspect your friend or relative is a Uefarite Euritis carrier, do not hesitate to call your local doc and he'll know exactly what to do.
Thank you for your attention.
